Conrad deployed last Thursday to Kuwait. I haven't been able to write or talk much about it because I honestly just want to stay numb. My friend Beth knows what i'm talking about. Being numb is so much easier than letting the flood of emotions wash over me. I cant lose control because I have to hold it together alone now. Conrad has done an amazing job of trying to make this easier for me. Sending flowers, emails, calling whenever he gets a chance. He even sent me an edible arrangement to work for Valentine's Day. The girls at work all ohhh and ahhhed and proceeded to talk about how our marriage was like a Nicholas Sparks novel ( ; . We have an amazingly strong marriage and so far this deployement (although only a week in ) has strengthened it, but the fact remains that the better half of me is thousands of miles away. This isn't a romance novel, or a fairy tale like some people I know compare it to. I'll never kow how people can romanticize a situation like this. It is in no way, shape or form romantic. It is lonely and scary and miserable, but I'm getting through it. I've dealt with it better than I ever thought I could. I'm staying busy and and going out and for the first time this weekend I am going to see a movie all by myself. It feels almost a little empowering, I was never really single or alone. I got married 3 days out of highschool and moved right in with my husband. Now for the first time in my life five and a half years later I almost have to learn how to be single ( of course without the whole dating thing thank god! ). Wish me luck!
( and no I will NOT be seeing Dear John anytime soon lol )
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