This year has been one of the hardest I have ever had to go through. I lost both my grandparents in the same month, I've lost people who I thought would truly always be there for me no matter what, and now my husband is deploying. Wow. They say God only gives you what you can handle, and I know I can handle this, but why do I have to be alone in doing it? I have 1 friend who has always been there for me and I thank God for her every single day, but she has a baby and a deployed husband too. Not to mention she lives far away so I can't just put all of my baggage on her. That's not what a good friend does. Looking back at this year I wonder sometimes how I got through it. Maybe denial was my coping mechanism. Thank God for Denial. When things start to go sour for me I curl up into a little ball like a porcupine and send my spikes out. As long as I do that, nothing else can hurt me. I always thought of myself as a very strong person. Slowly but surely I am finding this to be completely untrue. I'm falling apart and I have no one to put me back together. I can't put any of this on my husband or my best friend, they just have too much to deal with without my stupid issues. I'm trying to keep it together and hopefully it looks intact from the outside, at least I guess that's all I can hope for right now. I am very thankful for my life and I love being a military wife but that doesn't mean it isn't difficult.
Listening to: Jack Johnson, Better Together
I love Jack Johnson, and yes it is always better! I'm the first to follow your blog, yay! And sweetie, you're right...God does only give you what He knows you can handle. Although at times it seems like you can barely muster the strength it takes to pull through, time will pass and you will survive...that's the beauty of faith, everyone thinks we must have faith in God, but that faith is reciprocated as well. Hold strong!
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